Once again I sit on the precipice of being unemployed and instead of the familiar feeling of fear and anger, I breathe out a sigh of relief. About 3 weeks ago my employer told me that he had listed the business for sale. Now my initial feeling was to fight to save what I had. I volunteered to go on sales calls (even though I hate that), and said that I would stay on with the business until final word about a sale was received. Then I started to ponder…why should I stay and help bale water on this sinking ship when the captain is already getting away no his life boat. So I turned to the Interwebz to *gasp* job hunt. If you are gainfully employed and have not checked the job boards in a while, let me tell you something. EVERYTHING SUCKS. If you are not looking for a specific company to work for and are just in the market everything is a sales job, a scam or a scammy sales job
I thought that when this moment came I would be reeling but in fact I am fine? (that question mark is totally intentional)I guess because the stress of this day has been mounting for so long that my body has maxed out on all the available emotions I have to give this situation. It’s not like I have a huge safety net, but of late I have found this industry ethically questionable.
In a flurry of emotions I have come to the realization that no matter what my next step is I still will not be paid to pursue my passions. Getting paid to fuel my creative spirit is not the next step. Perhaps that is why I am so resigned to my fate of leaving this position and having to find a new one. At the end of the day anything that is me not pursuing a creative endeavor is just a job and that doesn’t mean to me what it used to. I will always be able to find a way to make money, and money alone will not make me happy. Let’s not get it twisted it can certainly make it easier to be happy, but I can no longer make it my end all focus. That is not me, never has been and never will be.
That is why it was imperative for me to start to write again, to start to cook again, to share my art again. It makes me feel alive. It makes getting out of the bed worth it in the morning because I am excited to share what I have going on in my brain with any passerby on the internet who might care about it.