Because sexy Santa is making the season bright.
Entering into a relationship is always a new and exciting experience, but how can you be certain you have made the right choice? The short answer is you can’t be, but there are some questions you need to ask yourself and your potential mate if you are deciding to be exclusive. These are in no particular order…
What do you want/need from a partner? If your reasons are only pointing in the direction of loneliness or boredom you are probably headed into a very short-lived relationship.
Do I even want to be in a relationship? Sometimes we forget that we may not even want to be in one because we are being told on so many fronts that it is the most desirable/ideal/best/happy/blah blah blah situation young people should be in.
What is your definition of being exclusive? Just because it seems like a no-brainer question to you (and probably to your partner as well) does not mean that you guys are on the same page for the parameters for exclusivity in your own relationship.
Are you over your last relationship? I think that one speaks for itself.
Are you two sexually compatible? It may seem like everything is all hot and heavy because everything is still so new, but make sure you keep your on eye on your sexual activity. If you see a decrease or increase you do not feel good about, make sure to talk to your partner and be honest about your desires.
Have you ever held something in your hand that was so fragile that with one false move there would be too much pressure and it would shatter? If not, that is what trust feels like to me. Whether you have betrayed a friend or a lover, or have been hurt by someone breaking your trust, this post is something that I wanted to share.
Note to someone that may have violated the trust of someone they loved: Do not be impatient with them. If they have chosen to stand by your side and rebuild trust then you should be grateful and give them some time to adjust back into the trust. It takes as long as it takes. However, you do not have to stick beside someone that does no trust you. Relinquish yourself from that situation if their sadness and mistrust is more than you can handle. Just do not try to make them feel bad because they have not yet moved on.
When you make a choice that is harmless only if no one finds out about it, chances are that is a choice that should not have been made in the first place. Whatever it is you thought you may gain by lying is rarely more valuable than what you will lose if the truth is discovered. Without trust there is no safe haven.
The fragility of trust is not always treated as delicately as it should be. In my life I have tried very carefully to make sure that I did not violate the trust of those that I care the most about. Unfortunately, I am not perfect nor is anyone else. Mistakes are made and we must deal with them and move on. Forgive and forget, as the old adage goes. Except for the fact that that shit is HARD.
There are some things on this list that I do not need (please do not counsel me on make up/face beat routine) but a kind gesture can make the difference between your partner feeling under appreciated or like she sits atop the world.
1. Play with her hair while the two of you are watching TV. It doesn’t have to be complex, just a little light head touching/hair-messing-with will put her into a near-meditative state.
2. Get your dessert to-go at the restaurant so the two of you can eat it at home while watching a movie/your favorite TV show.
3. Instead of just asking her where she wants to go for dinner — because you know that she loves when you put in the effort to choose, but is really picky when it comes to what she wants — give her three options that you want to go to (including one or two you haven’t tried before, if possible). It’s the best of both worlds.
4. If you spend the night at her place (or even if you share the place) make the bed while she’s in the shower or getting ready.
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Human interaction is hard enough before you even approach the first date; so in my efforts to further the growth of humanity I have created a hodge-podge of helpful tips. Now instead of stressing about how to behave, this article is going to take some of the pressure off of you before the big night.
- When dressing for the first date, try not to take it over the top. Wear something you would normally wear, it’s important that you be comfortable. If you put on your shortest party dress your five inch heels and paint on a new face, and this is not your normal style; odds are that you will be conscious of this the whole date and won’t be able to really let go of the superficial nervousness that already comes with the first date. Be you, and be comfortable. That is what is most important.
- When on a first date don’t steer the conversation in too serious of a direction such as past relationships, bad mouthing your ex, where you want this current relationship to go, etc. because a first date is far too soon for such a discussion
- DO NOT GET DRUNK! That sends a completely wrong impression if you are looking for something serious/long term. There should be a two drink maximum for the first date and if you are a light weight you might want to refrain from alcohol all together
- On a side note don’t brag about how much alcohol you can chug because it’s not very lady like, it could paint you in some colors that you may not want to be seen in
- Make sure you pick a place where you can actually engage in conversation, especially if this is just someone you met while out and about and you have no friends or places in common. Try a coffee shop not necessarily a giant national chain but somewhere cozy and intimate. That way if the convo isn’t interesting it’s ok to keep it short, and if it is then that is all the better.
- The big question. Who picks up the check? Well there are several different ways this can pan out. If you want to offer to pay half than do so, there is nothing wrong with that. If you feel as if he should pay and he doesn’t then that should answer any questions in your mind about a second date. It’s all about what you are comfortable with. In these days and times there is no longer a stock answer to this question. If you want a man that pays, date a man that pays. If you want to split everything 50/50 then go ahead and do so. There is nothing wrong with you being independent and there is nothing wrong with chivalry either.
- The real secret to a successful first date is knowing what it is that you truly want and what you are comfortable with. If you do not want to kiss on the first date then don’t. Don’t be concerned about what he wants because if he is truly interested in getting to know you he won’t care if he kisses you. If you are just looking to be wined, dined, then sexed. Then know that and be ok with what road that may take you down. The key to a successful dating life is knowing who you are, your, wants, and desires. Once you’ve got that all nailed down, the rest will start to fall into place
So whether you’ve been in your relationship for a while, and you want to add a little spice, or you want to impress your new guy with a display of skilled sexual prowess here are five tips to turn the heat up in your boudoir.
- Try doing something spontaneous, after you and your man have been out suggest that he pull over the car to a nice secluded space and you have a romp in the backseat. Or you could try getting a little frisky while he is driving, there is nothing more exciting than the thrill of doing something and (the possibility of) getting caught.
- Buy some lingerie, granted there is nothing wrong with your good old comfy cottons and your white tee, but a little variety can be a little fun. Perhaps you should try something crotch-less if you are feeling exceptionally bold.
- Book a hotel room, if you have a little extra money to spend,. Share in a fantasy of a secret affair or maybe the change of surroundings alone will be enough to inspire a new spark in the relationship
- Introduce your vibrator (that you have somehow managed to keep secret) into your foreplay. Give your man a show and don’t let him have his turn until you are completely warmed up.
- Work those Kegel muscles during intercourse, especially when you are approaching climax. The flexing brings more blood flow to your G-spot which increases sensation/sensitivity, plus it will give him an extra thrill as well.