Exercise is hard, particularly when you are trying to build it in as a part of your life and not just “that thing you do occasionally for a few weeks after New Year’s”. I have also been trying to make sure that I have been doing the same with my writing, but that is for another post.
For the past two weeks I have completed 3 gym days and I could not be more excited about my progress (lost 6 inches from various places thus far) but the thing that I am most excited about is that I am excited about exercising. Now I get in the gym and push myself, and it feels good. Granted, I am ready to pass out by 9:30pm on days that I exercise but it feels so nice to be a little bit stronger. I went from struggling through 30 minutes and watching the clock the whole time to powering through my work out and not even realizing that I have been at it for over an hour.
I went from barely breaking a sweat to not getting off of a machine until I was pouring and unable to breathe, this is what pushing feels like and for so long I was scared but it has actually turned out to be one of the greater moments of my life. In my job I can’t see results in a short amount of time, I certainly don’t see improvement this fast in any art form I indulge, but I have taken my body and made into something stronger. I feel proud. I feel motivated. Moving forward.
Have you ever just wanted to throw all caution to the wind and say
“I will not eat another piece of fruit, nor will I drink another ounce of water! On this day, I only want bacon and wine!”
Well, that day is today for me. I have managed to not totally fall off of the fitness bandwagon. Successfully completing two days a week in the gym for the first three weeks of the plan. I am headed back in today after a 4 day hiatus and I must say that I want to go, but I know I will be battling my laziness come 5pm. The mission for this week is to go a minimum of three times. I need to shorten the gap between my visits and I also want to feel all those happy endorphins a little more frequently.
I have also been maintaining my diet (I use the term loosely)fairly well. One of my main food objectives has always been to eat well because I have never been good about exercising . So, lean protein and dark leafy greens have been a staple of mine for a long time now. Don’t let some of the recipes you see posted lead you to believe that I eat like that everyday, because I have not the time or the energy.
For the firs time in almost a year I stepped on a scale and was SHOCKED by how much I had gained since I had last been on one of those contraptions. I have a new motivation as I step into the weight room this week, an actual goal. At first I did not want to put any strenuous timelines or goals on this process but one has developed organically. I am not quite ready to share that goal here but the overall focus is that I become stronger and healthier.
Congratulations to me! I have once again started on a fitness journey. Now before you go and pop bottles in honor of my victory let me give you a quick recap on my previous fitness jouneys. They all end. No sugar coating on that one. There are as many reasons for not finishing a program as there are attempts at starting one. Usually I just get bored, or sad, or lonely in the fitness world. I am not a teetotaler so that excludes me from social circles at the gym. I struggle with patience, so the yoga cliques are not my comfort zone. Now you might be mad at me for what I am about to say next but it must be said. Runners look stupid. I just can’t. Watching people run in my city is just seeing a cacophony of limbs, haphazardly flapping about, and knowing that they are ruining their knees for life. There. I said it.
I am not knocking anyone that has found a fitness lifestyle that works for them, but I am jealous, obvi. Whatever. I do have hope for this new journey, because I am walking into it with no delusions of grandeur. I have been trying to find my exercise niche for so long that I have come to the conclusion that I just don’t like it, and maybe never will? But, I do know I feel better when I am done, my energy spikes, and I like how my clothes lay against my frame. So just like my morning vitamin/supplement regimen, consuming 64oz of water daily, or eating a metric fuck ton of fiber exercise is something that I do not like. However, I will continue to do it because the benefits far outweigh the costs.
Keep me in check, if you see me slipping, remind me about this post!
Why is it so hard to be nice to my body? I am not talking about my diet when I say “nice”. I live by the “everything in moderation” mantra so that is pretty much covered. What I am talking about is my almost comic incapability to have positive thoughts about my appearance without any harsh critiques. Everything is always something that “needs correction” or “almost there”. Nothing is ever just right at the moment of scrutiny. I had a physical recently because I was having some back issues and came up healthy. I just cannot ever seem to be satisfied with my body though. I know that I am healthy, and I can see that I am strong, and I have almost no physical ailments. Why am I constantly trying to “fix” something with my body?
When you absorb as much media as I do it makes sense that I grapple with not looking or feeling the same as the images that I consume. This post is not a pity party for me. I am not asking for compliments or reassurance. On some level, somewhere in the jungle gym that is my brain, I am well aware that I have nothing to be upset about. I just had to write these thoughts down because I know it gives me comfort to know that I am not the only person going through something. For me there is comfort in community so I am just letting the world know that I am here and sometimes I feel broken but my logical mind knows better.
This also is not just a post about being positive about your body, and loving your body, but about not shaming other people about their bodies either. That behavior is making it hard not only for others to feel confident but it makes you doubt yourself as well. Just think about it for a moment, if every other word out your mouth is something disparaging about someone how could you possibly have any confidence in anything you put out? Well, other than an extreme case of narcissism, I would imagine that you struggle with a positive view of yourself.
So short, tall, skinny, average, heavy, brown, black, white, purple, green, WHATEVER you may look like you need not feel stifled because you do not look like someone else. I know that the western beauty standard of beauty gives us all a hard line that we think we must follow, but lets one up the system and feel good no matter what (well, at least try to).
For this posting I am coming with salmon cakes from Artisan Cuts which I ordered from Relay Foods, they were so fresh and wonderful smelling I wanted to eat them raw. I opted to cook them in the cast iron with some coconut oil and got them nice and crispy on the outsides. For the salad I chopped up cucumber and yellow squash, threw in a few halved cherry tomatoes and some red onion and salted. I ccovered that and let it set in the fridge so the flavors could marry up. For the dressing I mixed 1 mashed clove of garlic with red wine vinegar, Dijon mustard, and EVOO. The corn was simple, I brought a large pot of water to a boil, shucked the corn (those little silks are a pain), and dropped them in the water for five minutes.